Downfall of the English Language.

Who needs terrorists and biological warfare when you have avid fourteen-year-olds like me roaming the streets talking in shorthand? Generation 86 (that’s my own name for teenagers these days. Don’t ask why.) has enough manpower to completely destroy the English language from the inside out. I really don’t deny it either. If anything, I myself find myself often fueling the fire of grammatical distress.

I know, you’re thinking “What? Alice? She hasn’t spelled a single word wrong in any of these blog posts! You must be mistaken.” And my only response to that is the fact that even though I have impeccable grammar in writing, even my friends have to decode my spoken language sometimes.

Below is a list of the top 10 things I say in regular conversation that may or may not send the earth tumbling towards the sun. Next to each thing, I’ve written what I probably should be saying instead:

1. Prolly (probably)
2. Ima (I am going to)
3. Deffintley (definitely)
4. Nassy (nasty)
5. Kay-kay (okay)
6. Mm-kay (okay)
7. Fo-sho (for sure)
8. Oh, no you di-int (burn!)
9. Diss (burn!)
10. Fo-shizzle (doesn’t mean anything)

With a vocabulary like that, I could probably single-handedly bring down all of Western civilization; so watch out, Chicago.*

* “Watch out, Chicago” is another weird thing I say. I doesn’t mean anything really, so no offense Chicagans.

Downfall of the Music Industry.

Whatever happened to the days of Michelle Branch and Avril Lavigne (before she got happy)? I remember a time when I could switch the radio to 99.5 and actually hear music. Nowadays I flip it on and occasionally I hear somethine I like. Other than that, it’s all Jay-Z and Pretty Ricky and Gangster McPimpfry (doesn’t exist, but you catch my drift). Where has all the actual music gone? And I won’t even get started about MTV, because we all know there hasn’t been any music on that channel since the ’80s.

I really want the ’90s back, even if that means selling my soul.

People Who Should Never Have Been Given Voiceboxes.

I’m usually not a critical person, but when certain people say certain things, I find myself having to resist the urge to punch them in the face. And I’m not talking about trite High School people like Casey Englander, I mean the really annoying people. The ones who should have never been born, or at least never been given voiceboxes.

People like Ann Coulter. I mean, as a little girl, you must know that you are destined to be a hate-filled annoying person when your parents don’t bother putting an e at the end of your last name. (I don’t know, but for some reason, the name Ann sounds a lot more austere than Anne.) I just hope she never runs for president, or she’ll be pretty high up on everybody’s secret sniper hit-list. Maybe I wouldn’t think she was so evil if she hadn’t launched so many attacks on the 9/11 Widows. What was it she said?

“I’ve never seen people enjoying their husbands’ deaths so much.”

Die, evil woman. Okay, then. I’m done ranting about the many faces of evil (well technically, only one) and I’m going to quit now before Ann Coulter says something else stupid.

Since I’m not double-checking this, there may be a lot of sentences that make no sense at all, so I’ll summarize the whole thing right here: I don’t like Ann Coulter. She should die.

The Face of Evil.

 

  

The Greatest Books and Music. Ever.

Before I say anything, I will admit that I am an extremely biased person, and I’m into hyperbolic statements, but I got your attention, didn’t I? My point is, when I say “Greatest”, what I really mean is “Pretty good”.

First, I will summarize, like the genius I am. Then I will list like the little kid I can be.

Let’s start with music, because I’m listening to my iPod right now, and that’s incentive enough to keep my fingers typing for a least a good five minutes. Most of the songs I download are directly tied to the 10-second samples I get from flipping through radio stations and watching So You Think You Can Dance. To make things easier for us all, I will skip to listing the Top 25 Most Played playlist on my iPod:

1. Vindicated – Dashboard Confessional
2. How To Touch a Girl – JoJo
3. Dr. Evil – They Might Be Giants
4. No One – Aly & AJ
5. Honestly – Cartel
6. When You Were Young – The Killers
7. Face Down – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
8. Gomenasai – t.A.T.u.
9. Never Far Behind – Aly & AJ
10. Going Crazy – Ashley Tisdale
11. How To Save a Life – The Fray
12. Collapsed – Aly & AJ
13. Into the Ocean – Blue October
14. Le Chemin – KYO
15. Meant to Live – Switchfoot
16. This is Your Life – Switchfoot
17. Istanbul (Not Constantinople) – They Might Be Giants
18. Everything You Want – Vertical Horizon
19. Over It – Jordan Pruitt
20. You Found Me – Kelly Clarkson
21. Another Day – Adam Pascal & Rosario Dawson (RENT Soundtrack)
22. Dancing – Elisa
23. Umbrella – Rihanna ft. Jay-Z
24. Rockstar – Nickelback
25. Strongtower – Kutless

I’m not going to bother putting links to all those songs, because… no. I’m just not doing it.

Now let’s away to books. This year, I’ve gotten more and more interested in books for no apparent reason. Actually, there is a reason. It’s because in most of the books I’ve been reading, the leading male is hot, hot, hot (cough, Edward Cullen, cough). He makes all kinds of things fun to do, like reading. So here’s my short book list. I so great, I’ll even identify the cute guy in each one:

1. Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (Edward Cullen)
2. New Moon by Stephenie Meyer (Edward Cullen)
3. Uglies by Scott Westerfeld (David)
4. Pretties by Scott Westerfeld (Zane)
5. Specials by Scott Westerfeld (Zane)
6. Peeps by Scott Westerfeld (Cal Thompson)
7. A Certain Slant of Light by Laura Whitcomb (James Deardon/Billy Blake)
8. Pretty Little Liars by Sara Shepard (Ezra Fitz)
9. Flawless by Sara Shepard (Toby Cavanaugh)
10. Private by Kate Brian (Thomas Pearson)

Okay, so now you people have a little insight into my mind, and what I think is awesomely awesome.* And the added bonus is that I feel proud of myself for adding all those links.

Aren’t I great?

* I understand that “Awesomely awesome” does not count as Quirky-speak either.

What You May or May Not Already Know.

Catchy title, there, huh? Not really.

From the information you may or may not have already gathered about me, I live in Virginia–not Wonderland. So why is it that people are convinced that I’m some pot-smoking blonde who followed a white rabbit that may or may not have been real down a tumbling hole during a bad trip? I can name so many things in that claim that are horribly inaccurate. About me, at least.

The most obvious being that I’m not blonde. Not that being blonde is some horrible disease, it’s just that blondness always seems to be attributed to idiocy, so…

No offense, blondies.

But while we’re on the subject of interesting things (it’s a stretch, I know), we might as well address my biggest flaw. The one that may or may not send the earth tumbling toward the sun someday.

The fact that I say things like “May or may not” way too much, even when it’s painfully necessary. I also say “More-or-less” a lot. Just a warning. If you’re the kind of person who can’t stand Quirky-speak, you should probably stop reading before I say something like “Diddly”.

So I’m guessing you people (the people mentioned in my blog’s title, if you were curious) are dying to know everything there is to know about me, but I’m not at liberty to disclose that information. So for now you are stuck with Virginia and Quirky-speak. Aren’t I great?

Now all I have to do is cure a few terminal diseases and I might get some recognition for my uncanny greatness.

But you can’t have everything, right?

Right now, I’m going to put my tech-savvy-ness* to work by uploading a picture of myself in this post… somewhere. This is purely so that you people will be forced the envision me in something besides a blue dress and blonde wig.

And here it is. Aren’t I smart. Smart and great; not bad. Not bad at all…

xXO<<>>OXx

* I understand that making up words is not a valid form of Quirky-speak.