Downfall of the English Language.

Who needs terrorists and biological warfare when you have avid fourteen-year-olds like me roaming the streets talking in shorthand? Generation 86 (that’s my own name for teenagers these days. Don’t ask why.) has enough manpower to completely destroy the English language from the inside out. I really don’t deny it either. If anything, I myself find myself often fueling the fire of grammatical distress.

I know, you’re thinking “What? Alice? She hasn’t spelled a single word wrong in any of these blog posts! You must be mistaken.” And my only response to that is the fact that even though I have impeccable grammar in writing, even my friends have to decode my spoken language sometimes.

Below is a list of the top 10 things I say in regular conversation that may or may not send the earth tumbling towards the sun. Next to each thing, I’ve written what I probably should be saying instead:

1. Prolly (probably)
2. Ima (I am going to)
3. Deffintley (definitely)
4. Nassy (nasty)
5. Kay-kay (okay)
6. Mm-kay (okay)
7. Fo-sho (for sure)
8. Oh, no you di-int (burn!)
9. Diss (burn!)
10. Fo-shizzle (doesn’t mean anything)

With a vocabulary like that, I could probably single-handedly bring down all of Western civilization; so watch out, Chicago.*

* “Watch out, Chicago” is another weird thing I say. I doesn’t mean anything really, so no offense Chicagans.

What You May or May Not Already Know.

Catchy title, there, huh? Not really.

From the information you may or may not have already gathered about me, I live in Virginia–not Wonderland. So why is it that people are convinced that I’m some pot-smoking blonde who followed a white rabbit that may or may not have been real down a tumbling hole during a bad trip? I can name so many things in that claim that are horribly inaccurate. About me, at least.

The most obvious being that I’m not blonde. Not that being blonde is some horrible disease, it’s just that blondness always seems to be attributed to idiocy, so…

No offense, blondies.

But while we’re on the subject of interesting things (it’s a stretch, I know), we might as well address my biggest flaw. The one that may or may not send the earth tumbling toward the sun someday.

The fact that I say things like “May or may not” way too much, even when it’s painfully necessary. I also say “More-or-less” a lot. Just a warning. If you’re the kind of person who can’t stand Quirky-speak, you should probably stop reading before I say something like “Diddly”.

So I’m guessing you people (the people mentioned in my blog’s title, if you were curious) are dying to know everything there is to know about me, but I’m not at liberty to disclose that information. So for now you are stuck with Virginia and Quirky-speak. Aren’t I great?

Now all I have to do is cure a few terminal diseases and I might get some recognition for my uncanny greatness.

But you can’t have everything, right?

Right now, I’m going to put my tech-savvy-ness* to work by uploading a picture of myself in this post… somewhere. This is purely so that you people will be forced the envision me in something besides a blue dress and blonde wig.

And here it is. Aren’t I smart. Smart and great; not bad. Not bad at all…

xXO<<>>OXx

* I understand that making up words is not a valid form of Quirky-speak.